Cashiers are America's cheapest whores. Customer service workers have been pimped out by their companies to perform obscene acts of service with a show. For only 99 cents, you can receive undignified service that is tantamount to a hand job. Don't mind the fry salt.

Television commercials portray contented young workers with pressed uniforms joyfully grinning with reckless abandon. McDonald's has spent the last few years wrapping itself in their "we love to see you smile" campaign. McDonald's employees shouldn't even love to see their paychecks. This corporation actually put those infamous words into the mouths of thousands of people who don't get paid enough to provide such a form of service. Why do you think hookers charge so much? Another lowlife has approached my register, I can barely contain my glee.

Compare the actors' portrayals in service industry commercials to that of phone sex commercials. Note the effervescently subservient demeanors of the vapid poverty liners who will stop at nothing to satisfy your every desire and who are euphorically thrilled to delight you. The similarities in their sweetly recited, lame ass slogans are striking. "We'll get you horny," "it's your store," its all the same in terms of the workers' alleged attitudes towards customers getting over on them. In both occupations, unbecoming dialogue and virtual fucking are heated orders served up lukewarm.

Enthusiasm cannot be bought for $9,000 a year. All but one of my employers has demanded far more of me than was commensurate to my hours and pay rate. After hiring, more bullshit is heaped onto our overflowing plates with each new insipid campaign.

We have been misrepresented by soft handed punks and 50-cent actors. Few of us are goonish, undiscriminating 16-year-olds with a grin fetish who are devoid of actual thought and differing opinions. It is apparent to me that many customers have taken stereotypes and televised lies to heart. However, we too have stereotypes and grounded opinions which they might not like.

Attention, dumb ass shoppers; I do not play Nintendo, my wardrobe is exceptional and judging by your order, my taste is far superior to yours. You are clearly pond scum, whereas I am the sharp dressed shitshoveler with the sexy stoneface. Go play with your sports section and eat your bologna, douchebag. Be advised that upon entering this establishment, you have agreed to be viscously mocked. We love to share a laugh.

Advertisement has gone beyond selling products, they are selling us. Yesterday, a customer told me that she would grace me with her order on the condition that I smile at her. I did my bitch job and smiled with an undertone of good humor. This customer then told me that she had recently gone computer shopping. She said that she turned down a $2,500 computer solely because the salesman didn't smile at her. Service with a show. People really are that petty and childish. This ass clown wanted me to put on a show for her, and I did. It turns out that I'm just another ho, assuming the position since age 17. At least this time it was with a chick; albeit one in her golden years.

I've cussed out a few customers--once accidentally. I started off in my present store as a produce clerk and was transferred to front end for a failure to smile. Taco Bell nearly had me shot for the same reason. At Steak 'n Shake "the most important part of your uniform is a smile." I never wore one but I still made a killing on tips. La Madeleine seemed to think my attitude was lacking. Reality has caught up with me, but it will always elude customers.

At $6.40 an hour, I try not to let reality drag me down. A few years ago, I was angered by the commercials. Now, I'm further vindicated in my belief of a foolish and primally emotional general public.